Questions related to Marriage in Islam

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Questions related to Marriage in Islam 

​​♣ Is marriage important in Islam?

Yes, it is an important Sunnah of our beloved Prophet ﷺ. Marriage makes a person complete according to the Prophetic hadith.

Beloved Prophet ﷺ said:

“Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire.”  ​(Ibn Majah)

Beloved Prophet ﷺ also said:

“When a man gets married, he gets one half of the religion. Thus, he should fear Allah in the other half.” (Baihaqi)

♣ What should a person do if she is not able to marry?

​​She should fast, which will control the sexual desires and helps her to be modesty.

Beloved Prophet ﷺ  said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.” [Sahih al Bukhari]​​

​​

♣ What should be given priority while selecting a husband?

Beloved Prophet ﷺ said:

“A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. (Sahih al Bukhari)

​Further Beloved Prophet ﷺ said:

“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” (Tirmidhi)

​These teachings will apply for both men and women. While choosing a husband, the religious etiquette should be given first priority. A man with good attitudes will care his wife happily and guide her to correct and righteous path for the success of this world and hereafter.

Only the outer appearance should not be considered. It was warned by Prophet ﷺ

“A man passed by Allah Messenger ﷺ and Allah’s Messenger ﷺ asked (his companions), what do you say about this (man)? They replied, If he asks for a lady’s hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercession should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to. Allah’s Messenger ﷺ kept silent and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, and Allah’s Messenger ﷺ asked (them), what do you say about this man? They replied, If he asks for a lady’s hand in marriage, he does not deserve to be married; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercession should not be accepted; and if he speaks, he should not be listened to. Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said, this poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth.  [Sahih al Bukhari]

♣ Can parents of a girl refuse a proposal from a good Muslim on the basis that the man is not of the same race/caste?

First it should be understood that there is no racial and caste differences in Islam.

Allah says in Al Quran “Oh humankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and then rendered you into nations and tribes so that you might know one another. Indeed the most honorable among you in the sight of Allah is he who is most pious.” (Al Quran 49:13)

There is a wealth of ahadith quoted by Al-Qurtubi in his commentary on this Qur’anic verse where the messenger of Allah ﷺ condemned outright any racial impact on the Islamic society. For the very reason we come across many examples of people who, from a racial view, were not considered equal to Arab women marrying among the high tribal class. Bilal (RadhiAllahu Anhu) married the sister of Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (RadhiAllahu Anhu) and Zayd (RadhiAllahu Anhu) was married to one of the noble ladies of the tribe of Quraysh and so on.

Therefore, rejecting proposal on the basis of caste or racial differences is not acceptable in Islam.

♣ What Islam says about love before marriage?

Love is something that comes out of the human soul which can have significant impacts in our life. According to Islamic point of view, there is no harm to love someone, provided if the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allah or make them commit sin.

It totally depends on the behavior of that boy and girl. If a boy feels some attraction towards a girl and he loves her, and vice versa, the best option what Islam gives is to approach the parents or the guardian of the girl and ask for the marriage.

But if the love before marriage makes them to illicit love relationship, such touching each other, being alone together, kissing one another and other haram acts, then it is strictly forbidden (Haram) in Islam.

♣ Which kind of marriage is best?

The love is the best thing in the marriage. Uniting a boy and a girl without having their wish, will not help to achieve the real purpose of the marriage. The boy and the girl both should marry with their entire satisfaction and happiness.

Islam forbids the forced marriages and also warns parents those who opposing marriages for un-Islamic reasons such as for wealth, race, nationality, beauty and status.

Hazrat Ibn Abbas (RadhiAllahu Anhu) related that a man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said O Messenger of Allah! I am a guardian of an orphan girl. Two men betrothed that girl: one of them is wealthy and the other is poor. We like to give her to the wealthy but she wants the poor! The Prophet ﷺ said, “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” 

​(Ibn Majah)

♣ Can parents force a girl to marry against her wish?

No, absolutely not. She should not be pressurized to marry against her wishes and consent. If the woman refuses, the authority of the guardian cannot be exercised against her will.

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas RadhiAllahu Anhu:

A virgin came to the Holy Prophet ﷺ and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Holy Prophet ﷺ allowed her to exercise her choice. {Abu Dawud}

♣ Upon whom lies the decision for marriage?

The only one who has the full right to accept the marriage is the woman herself.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “A widow should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Messenger ﷺ! The virgin is asked for her permission but she gets shy. How can we know her permission?” He said, “Her silence is her permission.  (Sahih al Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)

♣ Are you allowed to see the man who proposes to you?

Yes, it is necessary for a man to see the woman he intends to marry, and for the woman to see the man she intends to marry.

​​Meeting the woman who a man intends to marry is allowed only in the presence of a mahram, with whom the girl is forbidden to marry. The parts of your body that are allowed to be seen by the man are your face and hands as they can give one an idea of her beauty and built.

Al-Mughirah bin Shu’bah (RadhiAllahu Anhu) proposed to a woman, so the Prophet ﷺ said: “Look at her, for indeed that is more likely to make things better between the two of you.”  (Tirmidhi)

♣ Can the fiancé meet each other in private?

No. Some family members of hers should be present during the meeting. It is unlawful in Islam to meet a woman in private. It is possible also that the engagement can be later broken and thus the honour and purity of the girl is called to question.

♣ Can a man asks for a girl who is already engaged to another man?

No, it is not allowed in Islam to propose a girl, who is already engaged to another Muslim. But if he comes to know that the engagement was cancelled, then he can propose.

Beloved Prophet ﷺ said:

A man should not ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, unless the first suitor gives her up, or allows him to ask for her hand.  (Sahih al Bukhari)

♣ What should the amount of the dowry (Mahr) be?

Mahr (dowry) is a marriage gift from the bridegroom to his bride, which becomes her exclusive property and right. It is the sum of money or other property promised by the husband to be paid or delivered to the wife. There is no marriage if there is no Mahr. The man should have something to give his bride as a dowry, whatever its value may be. However, he should not be extravagant and go beyond his means in fixing the amount of dowry. The husband has no right to demand back any of the dowry given to his wife or jewellery, clothes, etc. given to her as a gift. It is against the moral principles of Islam to ask for the return of anything given to another as a present or a gift. The Mahr is the right of the female and she can stipulate, agree, or disagree with the set amount in cash or kind. This has to be clarified with her by her representative (Wakeel) in the presence of the witnesses when he takes consent from her for marriage with a man.

♣ Should woman give dowry to man in Islam?

No, this is absolutely forbidden and sinful. This is un-Islamic. According to Islam, ​bridegroom should give Mahr to bride, and not vice versa. Today this haram can be widely seen in our society from literates to illiterates, rich to poor. Muslims should stop this sinful act and follow as Islam said.

​♣ What are the responsibilities of bridegroom in relation to marriage?

​​​The bridegroom’s responsibilities are to give Mahr to bride, paying all the expenses related to marriage and waleemah, providing shelter (house) to bride, providing food and dress and proper protection to her.

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♣ Are Muslim women allowed to marry non-Muslims?

No. The Holy Quran absolutely prohibits a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim (Buddhist, Hindu, Jew, Christian, etc).

The Holy Quran says:

“O you who believe! When there comes to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them. Allah knows best as to their faith. If you ascertain that they are believers, then do not send them back to the unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the unbelievers, nor are the unbelievers their lawful husbands” (60:10)

According to this verse, when a woman leaves her home on account of her belief in Islam and comes to the believers, they are not allowed to send her back to the unbelievers. This is because unbelievers cannot treat Muslim women in marriage according to the rules of Islam. They will have no regard for Halaal and Haraam. They do not care about what is right and what is wrong. The non-Muslim husband will always have the upper hand with his Muslim wife and she will be obliged to follow what he says. It is sad to see so many of our Muslim sisters married to non-Muslim men for the sake of “love”. After marriage, they begin to consume Haraam food. They even begin observing their festivals. Their children are eventually brought up as non-Muslims. Most are Muslims only by name. Many eventually change their faith and become non-Muslims. May Almighty Allah save us from this evil! What is even more disgusting is that the non-Muslim husband converts to Islam just for the sake of the girl’s parents, but after marriage reverts to his original faith!

♣ Are Muslim men allowed to marry more than one wife? (Polygamy is when a man is allowed to have more than one wife)

Yes. Almighty Allah says in the Holy Quran says:

“If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with them, then only one” (4:3)

However, there are certain conditions laid down for one who wants to take more than one wife:

• He must have enough financial resources to look after the needs of the additional wives that he has taken.

• He must do equal justice to all of them. Each wife should be treated equally in matters of food, residence, clothing, and everything else.

If a man feels that he will not be able to treat another wife with equality and justice or he does not have the means to support another wife, he should limit himself to one wife.

The Holy Quran says:

“If you fear that you will not be able to do justice, then marry only one” (4:3)

♣ In which situations is polygamy allowed?

The husband is allowed to take another wife in the following situations:

• When the wife is suffering from a serious disease or illness. (E.g. Paralysis, epilepsy, etc.).

• When it is proved by medical doctors that she is unable to bear children.

• When she is of unsound mind.

• When the woman has become old and weak and can no more look after the house and property of the husband.

• When she has a bad character, which cannot be reformed.

• When she has moved away from her husband’s house and has become disobedient.

• When there is a war and there are many widows, etc.

Polygamy prevents husbands from having secret love affairs and keeping mistresses. If a man wants to have a relationship with another woman, he must marry her. Islam allows them to marry other women so that it saves them from Zina (adultery) and safeguards their Imaan. All sexual relations outside of marriage are prohibited.

♣ Is a Muslim woman allowed to have many husbands? (This is called polyandry)

No. This is not allowed in Islam. If she has to bear children from such a marriage, nobody will know who the true father is. There will a problem when the inheritance is being distributed. It is possible for a man to have more than one wife and please all of them, but for a woman to please more than one husband seems impossible. A woman may bear children from only one husband. Therefore, polyandry is forbidden in Islam.

♣ Which relations are not allowed to marry in Islam?

♦ Blood relatives:

1. Mother/Father

2. Sister/Brother

3. Daughter/Son

4. Mother’s sister/Mother’s brother

5. Father’s sister/Father’s brother

6. Brother’s daughter/son

7. Sister’s daughter/son

♦ In law relatives:

1. Father’s wives / Mother’s husbands

2. Son’s wives / Daughter’s husbands

3. Wife’s mother /Husband’s father

4. Wives daughter /Husband’s son

(Note: 1, 2 & 3 are prohibited upon marriage contract even if the consummation has not taken place.

No.4 is prohibited only if consummation has taken place)

♦ Relatives by Fostership:

1. Foster mother /father (A Foster father is the one who caused the breast milk to appear)

2. Foster sisters / brothers

♦ Following category of women are temporarily prohibited for a man:

1. Wife with her sister – A Muslim man is not allowed to be married to a women and her sister at the same time. If his wife dies, then he is allowed to marry her sister. Thus the wife’s sister is temporarily prohibited for a man.

2. Wife with Paternal / Maternal Aunt – A Muslim man is not allowed to be married to a women and her aunt at the same time. If his wife dies, then he is allowed to marry her aunt. Thus the wife’s aunt is temporarily prohibited for a man.

3. Wife with her niece – Muslim man is not allowed to be married to a women and her niece at the same time. If his wife dies, then he is allowed to marry her niece. Thus the wife’s niece is temporarily prohibited for a man.

4. Non-Muslim women / men until they embrace Islam

5. A man cannot marry a fifth wife if he already has four who are alive and their marriage contract is in force. If one of his four wives die, then he can take another wife.

6. A man cannot marry a woman who is already married unless she is divorced or lost her husband.

A married woman cannot marry a second man until her husband dies or divorced.

7. A man or woman cannot marry while he or she is in a state of Ehram until they come out of it.

8. A man cannot marry a women who is in iddah till the time she completes her iddah (waiting) period.

9. A man is prohibited from marrying a woman who is accused for adultery under lian by her husband unless the husband confesses that he lied.

10. A man is not allowed to remarry his wife after gave 3 divorces, unless & until she marries another man and has intercourse with him and the new husband divorces her or dies.

​♣ What are Conditions (Shuroot) of marriage contract?

1. The name & the relationship of the spouses have to be clearly specified.

2. The two spouses should be in the marriageable category as per the Islamic shariah i.e they should not be relatives falling under     the category of prohibition such as blood relationship, nursing relationship or in law relationship.

3. Wali should be present.

4. Approval of both spouses.

5. There should be two witnesses.

♣ What are the Arkaans (essential components) of Nikah?

• Offer from woman’s side by the wali and acceptance from the groom.

• Wali says, “I offer you my principal (so-and-so) according to Allah’s Law and His Messenger’s Sunnah, and for the mahr and conditions to which we have agreed.”

• Groom says, “I accept marrying your principal (so-and-so) according to Allah’s Law and His Messenger’s Sunnah and for the mahr and conditions to which we have agreed.”

♣ Is marriage valid without a wali?

No, marriage will not be valid if a girl does not have a wali.

Prophet ﷺ said:

‘There is no marriage except with a guardian and the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian’

​(Sunan Ibn Majah)

“Invalid is marriage without a woman’s guardian. The Prophet ﷺ repeated this statement thrice.  [Ahmad]

♣ Who can be a wali?

1. Father

2. Grand father

3. Son

4. Brother

5. Brother’s Son

6. Father’s brother (uncle)

7. Father’s brother’s son (and so on as per inheritance)

8. Nearest Jamath

9. Muslim leader

♣ What are the requirements for a wali?

1. Sane Adult Male

2. Freeman

3. Same religion as the girl

4. Adil (trustworthy)

5. Rushd (proper decision maker)

♣ Should weddings be publicized?

Yes, the difference between halal (marriage) and haram (prostitution) is making publicized. Beloved Prophet ﷺ ordered to publicize it.

Prophet ﷺ said, “The division between the lawful and the unlawful lies in the daff (tambourine) and the voice” (which is the announcement).   [Tirmidhi, Ahmed, Nisai, Ibnju Majah]

Prophet ﷺ said, “Publicise these marriages, conduct them in mosques, and beat the duff (tambourines) to announce them”.

[Tirmidhi]

♣ Which is the best place to conduct the marriages?

Mosques (Masjid) are the best places according to the Prophetic Hadith. However, it is permitted in Islam to conduct in other places also, such as at home, wedding halls and hotels.

♣ What has Islam said about the spending on wedding?

Islam never appreciates the extravagance in anything. As such, in marriages also Islam encurages to be very simple.

​Prophet ﷺ said: “The best of marriage is that which is most affordable.”  [Ibn Hibbaan]

♣ Can men and women be mixed at the marriages?

No, it is not allowed in Islam that men and women mixed together in the marriage parties. The organizer of these Islamic marriages should arrange separate rooms for men and women properly.

♣ Can we sing and beat tambourine in the wedding?

Yes, it is the sunnah and order of Prophet ﷺ . Also it was the tradition and custom of the sahaba at the time of our beloved Prophet ﷺ

Prophet ﷺ said, “Publicise these marriages, conduct them in mosques, and beat the duff (tambourines) to announce them”.

[Tirmidhi]

♣ Some recite Mawlid or Qasida (Naat) in the weddings. Is it allowed?

Yes, it is allowed and it was the custom of our noble sahaba at the time of our beloved Prophet ﷺ. However, when women reciting, they should recite between themselves and should not recite in very loud voices which can be heard by men.

“After the consummation of my marriage, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam came and sat on my bed as far from me as you are (The Sub Narrator) sitting now. Our little girls started beating the tambourines (daff) and reciting elegiac verses mourning my father, who had been killed in the battle of Badr. One of them said, ‘Among us is a Prophet who knows what will happen tomorrow.’ On that the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, ‘Leave this (saying) and KEEP ON SAYING the verses which you had been saying before.”   [Sahih Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi]

♣ How should we wish or congratulate the newly married couples?

بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لَكَ وَبَارَكَ عَلَيْكُمَا وَجَمَعَ بَيْنَكُمَا فِي خَيْرٍ

“May Allah grant you Barakaat (blessings) and descend His blessings on both of you and may He join you with goodness”

(Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

​♣ Is waleemah (Wedding Feast) important?

Yes, it is a very important sunnah. ​Prophet ﷺ said: “Offer a walimah – even if it be with only one goat.” (Sahih al Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)

​​♣ Who should spend for waleemah?

It is the duty of bride groom to give waleemah.

♣ If we are invited for waleemah, should we accept?

Yes, the Prophet ﷺ said, “If one of you is invited to the wedding feast, he should go to it.” (Sahih al Bukhari)

​♣ What should we do if the feast is full of haram?

You should not need to attend or leave from there. 

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